I still have well over a month before the school year starts but I'm already getting anxious about subbing again. This will be my third year. I keep thinking back to all the horrible experiences I had in the past two years. Carrots thrown, fights started, unsupportive staff, down right awful kids, and it all makes me feel like I'm a bad teacher.
In teacher school, we were taught about the importance of building relationships and being consistent. They never prepared us for subbing. My first year, I was a much gentler teacher. Last year, my patience went to shit. I feel like I"m downright mean and that's no way to teach. Makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
I applied for two dreams jobs at a dream school. The posting closed a couple of weeks ago so I have given up hope on an interview. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong other than not being someone they already know. Almost all of my classmates have jobs and they have far less experience than I do. You'd think 7 years of teaching and creating curriculum would get you somewhere.
My ego has taken a huge hit. Hopefully this last month or so of summer will re-energize me and i'll be ready to face the classroom. Thankfully I don't have to do that tomorrow.
